Thursday, September 13, 2012

Only in Malaysia: "Guidelines" to Identify Homosexuals

Aside from the iPhone 5 announcement, which was an event totally below par of what everyone expected, the other piece of hot news in my Facebook and Twitter feeds is about how the Malaysian government has come up with a new set of guidelines to, and I'm not even kidding here, identify "homosexual ‘symptoms'" in children. It's basically a step to nip the problem of homosexuality in the bud before, y'know, everyone becomes gay for each other. 

Now the problem with this whole set of guidelines is everything. I'm serious. Every single thing in this list is so laughably insane that the person (or persons) who drew up this list must have been drunk out of their minds or high as hell. These idiots are utterly confused by the entire concept of what it means to be homosexual. Of course, I don't claim to know how homosexuals think but but holy shit, you don't have to be a homosexual to be insulted by the stupidity of the whole thing.

Take this guideline for example: To be considered gay, guys must have a muscular body and likes to wear V-neck and sleeveless clothes. Also, because they decided they weren't specific enough, all tight and light-colored clothing were included as well. 

Personally, when I see a muscular guy wearing tight sleeveless clothes, the first thought that comes into my mind is not, "GAAAAAY!" On the contrary, I would nod knowingly to myself because I know how conventional clothing is ill suited for the muscular guys. The only reason they wear sleeveless is because their muscular biceps and triceps and all the other ceps totally rip apart sleeves. Gigantic muscles are sleeves' worst nightmare. 

...said the sleeves.

As for tight fitting, holy shit, do you know how difficult it is to get those chest muscles toned? If you're going to hide it behind a baggy shirt, you might as well not have trained so hard. 

The more pressing question is, this is a set of guidelines for parents to spot homosexuality in their children. Read that properly. Children. There's this image stuck in my head that I would gladly like to share with you.

You're welcome. 

The concept of muscular children wearing tight fitting V-necks is very, very unsettling. I mean, aside from Arnold "The Terminator" Schwarzenegger, no kid is going to spend his childhood cooped up in the gym lifting weights and trying to look like they had a double shot of steroids. Also, I don't know why they wanted to mess with muscular guys in the first place. One light punch from these guys can send you back to wherever kampung you came from. 

The last thing you'll see before you fly back to your kampung.

Okay. Here's one for spotting a potential lesbian. A potential lesbian will, and I'm quoting directly, "like to hang out, have meals with and sleep in the company of women". I don't know about you but that makes almost all my female friends lesbians in one way or another. I mean, if a girl likes to hang out and have lunch or dinner with another girl, doesn't that make her...oh I don't know, freaking normal? But no, according to the idiots who came up with this list. Parents, does your daughter hang out with other girls in her school? You better watch out! This makes her a lesbian. And of course, NEVER let your daughter have a sleepover at her girl friend's house. She's going to develop tendencies to homosexuality. 

Potential lesbians. Be warned.

This set of guidelines is so severely stupid that the idiot(s) who wrote it should not be allowed to go anywhere near humans. The more alarming thing is that not only did someone in the Malaysian government come up with this retardedness, there's someone in a higher position who looked at the set of guidelines, rubbed his chinhair approvingly and allowed it to go on

Not only does this show how stupid the Malaysian government is, it also belittles us as Malaysians. What gave the government the idea that Malaysians will be tolerant and just accept something so utterly stupid? 

With this entire thing exploding on Facebook and most of my friends all going against it, this issue will  probably blow over within the next few days, after some half hearted excuses about how they were misinterpreted in the news. But that's Malaysia and how everything is done. This seal says:

I love you Malaysia, but if our government is too stupid to realize that its citizens are not, mere love won't be enough to save you. And while many will probably forget this entire issue in the following weeks, the least I can do is to remind everyone that we shouldn't just let the government come up with stupid guidelines and expect the public to fall right in. 

It's so retarded that it just makes me want to bicep punch those idiots in the face.



  1. Oh dear, my boyfriend wears sleeveless tops, wears tight and light coloured T-shirts, goes to weight lifting shows and has been sighted holding my handbag when we’re out shopping. Die la die.. he must be gay!

    P/s: We are both having a giggle about how third-world / uncivilised Malaysia is.

    P/p/s: Best cancel the holiday to Malaysia, I think my boyfriend could be sent to boot-camp to get his gay-ness “corrected”! LOL!!!

  2. True story bro. I'm so sad with what has been educated into the uneducated's mind

  3. The nation is turning mad. What sort of crappy guidelines are thoselah?

  4. The Unknown LesbianJuly 10, 2014 at 5:15 PM

    DUDE u suck, if girls are gay fucking Let them be same for guys so ur they can be free,. The crap u said, is only gonna cause paranoia to parents to being control freaks. I'M a lesbian and whatever u just said aint What lesbians are like, u fool. All Girls would love the company of another girl, because all girls would love a girl Friend to have girl talks. Girls hang out for SHOPPING ,for glamarous fun. Where the hell Did u get THIS crappy info from. That's STUPID REALLY STUPID. And, girls will be girls. Unless a dude mistreated them, they are sure to be straight. Girls are fragile but strong too.

  5. Hey there, I don't know where you got the idea that I'm causing paranoia about lesbians and such, because if you read the whole article clearly, it's entirely against the whole "guidelines" issue. it's a statement on how stupid the guidelines are. and that last part was all sarcasm, which is kind of a thing here on this blog.

    so really, at least try to see the whole picture before calling me a fool. =)